BTLG -To Muddle a Frenchman- France x Reader

“iiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuggggggg”


You moaned feeling as if your head was being punctured by a thousand needles. Your body would have felt the same if it wasn’t cushioned by a very soft and pleasant surface.

“What the-?”

You struggled to open your eyes and found yourself in a huge room, no scratch that the room looked more like a ballroom except it had a huge table in the middle with many chairs surrounding it. Elaborate paintings hung on the velvet looking walls and huge glass windows took up one whole side of the room.

‘This looks like a room that holds meetings’ you thought.

You looked down and saw that you were lying in a posh fluffy carpet, so comfortable that your aching body felt like it was floating on a cloud. Enjoying the feel of the carpet, you wondered whose house were you in.

As if to answer you, a certain Frenchman raised his voice to someone, “Wy do you boter coming ere wen I told you dzat I will get the money I owe you soon”

‘I think I recognize that accent’

Someone in a British accent retorted, “Pay up you git! You have been saying that for the past century!”

“But Ardzur!” The Frenchman whined.

‘F-France?’ you thought baffled. You started to sit up but the carpet made a noise.

“Ardzur wy must you be such a- wait did you ear dzat?”

You stiffened. ‘No way could he have heard me!?’

“What is it you git? Don’t you try to change the subj-mupf” it sounded as if his mouth was muffled by Francis.

“I dzink dzat I eard something in the next room” Francis footsteps came close to the closed door in the room you were in. Wanting to bolt, you started to get up only to fall
back down into the carpet with an “Ow”.

By this time, Francis turned the door handle and opened the door. What he saw completely surprised him while you stared back at him with awe. Your Hetalian crush was right there in front of you, looking as sexy as you remembered. His long flowing blonde hair was ever so perfectly flippant while his fair skin looked smoothed to perfection. You looked down to his chin and looked to his scruff. You tried not to scream like fangirl, you were one of those girls who loved facial hair on a guy. What? You had your preferences. But what was the most important feature that you dearly loved was his mesmerizing blue eyes. They beamed his flirty personality while also entrancing you.

Britain walked in right behind Francis. He exclaimed, “Bloody frog! Why the hell is there a lady in here?”

He turned to you, “Miss, did this *he looked to France* man kidnap you?”

Giving him a ‘WTF’ look, you replied, “N-no?”

Francis looked hurt, “I did not KIDNAP er!? I just found er!” But looking to you, he quickly rushed to your side, and said, “But I wish I did~”

Not liking the way he was looking at you, you tried away from him. Unfortunately, your darn body wasn’t listening, and when you tried harder to move, you gave a groan of pain.

“Seems like the lovely lady iz urt! Here let me elp you~” France wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up.

Giving a whimper, you felt the blood rush up to your head and you felt dizzy.

Arthur said, “Ey! Frog, you are hurting more than helping her!”

Francis then grabbed your legs and literally swept you off your feet. Your head was against the crook of his neck and you gave a huge blush as to how close you were to the Frenchman. Replying back to Britain he said, “Relax, Ardzur. I am going to take er to… my bed. Ohonhonhonhon~”

You squeaked, “What!?”   ‘That’s sounds hot…but still I am not ready for THAT!’

Arthur looked like he was about to explode. “You will not, wanker! You don’t even know her name and you already want to rape her!”

Francis laughed, “I was kidding. I was going to take er to dze couch” He walked away leaving a surprised Arthur. As he was setting you down the couch in the next room, he went beside your ear and whispered, “Next time iz my bed”

You were about to nosebleed when he stood up straight and asked you, “So, belle, what iz your name?”

You looked at him still a bit pink and shyly replied, “M-my name is ______. _______   _______”

Nodding and giving a flirtatious smile he told you, “A pretty name for a jolie fille” He winked and you turned away to hide your strong blush. He continued, “My name iz Francis Bonnefoy. It iz a pleasure to meet you ______~”




~~~~~~Timeskip of France Posing Nude With His Sexy Body Glistening With Water~~~~~~~~~~




You were holding a pillow to your chest as you watched England and France fighting again.
It happened right after France introduced himself to you, England walked in and demanded that France should not keep you hostage in his home. Angered Francis defended himself and once again said that he found you in his home but alas the Brit did not believe him.

You continued to watch them with an amused look. I mean you could have stopped the fight but it was pretty hilarious to see them argue for your ‘honor’.

“I told you for dze last time! I found er in my ouse!” The Frenchman retorted.

“You are a lying twit! It was obvious she looked disoriented when I saw her! You must have drugged and kidnapped her” cried Britain.

“I did no such dzing! Ere let’s ask er how se came ere. Se will tell you that I did not kidnap er” Francis said with a triumphant smile.

“Fine” said the Brit.

“Fine” They both turned to you. ‘Hey! Since when did all the attention get turned to me?’ You just remembered the fight they had two seconds ago.   ‘…Oh right’

“Well? Tell im ow you got ere”

You looked to both to them and started to feel some sweat form on the back of your head. “I-I actually don’t know how I got h-here…”

“Wat!?” Francis gave you a shocked expression.

Arthur laughed. “I knew it!”

You looked to them and your voice started to shake. “I-I actually don’t remember anything. I don’t even remember where I live”

They looked to you shocked.

“Wat do you mean you don’t remember anydzing?”

“I mean I can’t remember anything. Not my house or my own parents names” You started to shake uncontrollably. “Why can’t I remember?!”

Francis could not bear to see a beautiful woman in so much pain so he hugged you to give you comfort. You gladly accepted his hug, needing warmth of another human being.

Feeling that he should help in your moment of need Arthur helpfully said, “Maybe you hit your head and wondered into France’s house without thinking?”

You slowly took your head from Francis chest and looked up to Arthur. “Hmm. Yeah. That’s probably it. It’s got to! I mean memories don’t just disappear suddenly, right?” You looked to Francis.

He looked back to you and said, “Of course, mon cherie! Wat else would it be?”. For the
first time in his life, Francis genuinely cared for a woman. He wanted to comfort you in every way possible.

Feeling that he was being honest, you gave him a heartwarming smile. “Thanks France. You really know how to make a woman happy”

Francis was about to return your smile when it faltered. ‘Ow did se know I am a country?’

Arthur apparently thought the same thing when he asked, “_____, love, how did you know that this frog was a country?”

You gave an audible gulp. ‘Why? Why didn’t I notice my own mistake? Well might as well make up something’

“I follow this online blog!” you blurted.

Confusion was written all over the two countries faces.

“A blog?” Francis asked.

“Y-eah”  ‘Okay _____ you can do this!’  “You see there is a blog that says personifications of countries are real… they even have pictures and descriptions of you guys”

“But I thought our identities were a secret?” said Arthur.

You were about to answer when the Frenchman stood up abruptly, leaving you alone on the couch.

“Don’t you see? We are famous!” With a hair flip he continued, “Well it iz obvious dzey all loved moi~!”

Wanting to facepalm, Arthur bellowed, “We are supposed to be kept secret because of our enemies, idiot! And plus no one wants to look at you frog!”

Relieved you didn’t have to answer anymore questions, you hugged the pillow to you once again.

Just as soon as the fight started, it ended and Arthur once again turned to you and asked, “So what was this blog called, ____?”

‘Crap I thought I was in the clear!’   “Uh I forget- hey where can a girl go to use the bathroom?”

France responded, “It’s over there to your left”

You said “Thank you” before you bolted to the bathroom.




~Timeskip Brought To You By Seeing Nude Self Portraits of Francis in the Bathroom (what?)~




‘Goodness! How can my bladder hold that much water?’ you thought as you practically peed a gallon. After finishing, you pulled your panties up and gave yourself a needed mental peptalk.

‘Alright, listen here_____! Try not to act weird even though your unreal flirty man now exists- you have to act normal! Breathe in and out. In and out’

You looked down to your shirt and shrieked.

“AHH! He saw me wearing this!?” You saw your shirt was being clung by those stringy carpet things that came from France’s carpet. It looked like lint had attacked you and made you apart of it. Desperately trying to rid of yourself from those things, you heard a knock at the bathroom door.

“_____, belle? Are you alrigh-“

As he knocked, the door swung open leaving you both stunned. When the Frenchman looked down he blushed, but not before pevertedly smiling and saying, “Ohonhonhonhon~ I like your panties”

Furrowing your eyebrow you looked down. Eyes opening as wide as saucers, you covered yourself. You hadn’t realized that after you were done peeing you only pulled up your panties. So as you looked down right now, you saw your shorts lying like a puddle at your feet.

Shouting, “Get out, pervert!” you shut the door and locked it.

You just wanted to die from embarrassment. Deciding it was his fault for looking, you quickly pulled your shorts up to your waist. If he teased you again, you were going to give him a piece of your mind (or hit him upside the head with Hungary’s frying pan XD ).
With that confidence in mind, you strutted out the bathroom.

And let’s just say when you found the Frenchie, you were dumbfounded.

He was wearing an apron and cooking.

Completely confused, you walked over and sat at the kitchen table. Numbly you asked, “Francis what are you doing?”

He smiled and strolled over to you with a plate full of food in his hand, set it down in front of you and stated, “Making Coq au Vin for you, mon cherie”

Dazed that he made dinner just for you, you asked, “R-really?”

“Oui” he replied before he sat down himself.

You looked to see if he would add a third plate and when he didn’t you questioned, “Isn’t Arthur going to be eating with us?”

France shook his head and with a bit of bitterness laced in his voice he said, “E didn’t stay because e couldn’t stand my presence any longer”

Feeling pity for him you replied, “Well that is his loss because this looks delicious!”

Francis automatically brightened when you complimented his cooking. “Oui it is! Try it, belle!”

Eagerly, sticking your fork in the rooster, you took a piece, and put it in your mouth. Giving a satisfied, “mmm” You looked back at him and said, “Francis! You are like the best chef ever!”

Smiling the he said, “Thank you” and continued eating.

Dinner continued like this, with him asking questions about you and you about him. When questions like “When did you first find out about him” or “What that blog was called” you quickly changed the subject to “is the Effiel Tower as beautiful at night as it is in the day” or “is it true that French cooking is the best in the world”. Instantly after the last question rolled off your tongue, he responded with a yes and described how for centuries the world’s top chefs came from France.

Admiring his patriotism, you finished your dinner and gave a soft yawn. You were getting very sleepy.

Noticing that you were probably going to sleep any second now, France looked over your form. Getting the creepy feeling that you were being checked out, you immediately woke up and growled, “Don’t even think about it, Frenchie”

Giving an unusually quiet, “Ohohonhonhon~” He walked over to you and picked you up with one hand on yours and one hand around your waist. He walked you up the stairs and said, “Let me show you to your room”




~~~~~~Timeskip Of France’s Bird Pierre Staring At You With His Little Beady Black Eyes~~~~




Finally managing to get France’s touchy-feely hands off of you, you were faced with a closed door.

You were about to reach for the handle and open it when France stopped you. Looking to him and raising an eyebrow, he laughed and said, “I shall get the door for you” and opened it.

Without waiting for him to motion you inside, you walked in. Your eyes were greeted with blue, white, and red everywhere. From the bedcovers to even the desk chair, everything was covered in his national colors. You looked up above the bedpost and there hung an enormous French Flag.

Entirely liking what you saw, you turned to France and stated, “This has got to be the nicest room that I have been in so far!”

Grinning widely, Francis said, “Thank yo-“ when you practically hurled yourself at him.

Hugging him tightly you whispered, “Thank you for comforting me and all, Frankie”
Blushing at your nickname, he hugged you even tighter before putting his face to your hair.

His body begged him to touch you more but he wouldn’t let himself to do it. For the second time today, he realized that you were the only woman he wanted to respect your space and wishes.

Pulling away before he lost his self-control, he gave you a kiss on the cheek before saying, “Your welcome. I was happy help a mademoiselle like you” He walked toward the door and before he closed it, he said, “Goodnight, _____... mon belle”

After he closed the door, you still stood there; mind trying to process what happened. Squealing, you jumped into your bed and smiled; happy like never before. You looked up to the ceiling and thought ‘I had actually spent today with my crush!’ Man, you couldn’t even believe that this was really happening or even that your wish came true!

But as you lay there, you remembered that you were slowly forgetting your old life and the people you knew, and more importantly, your parents you left behind in your dimension.

Now all that clouded your mind was “Why am I forgetting them?...”

“…And how do I get back home?”